Fan Mail for Friday

Dear Friday,
I am writing to you today (on Friday) to let you know I’m your biggest fan! I wish you could come around more than once a week. I always wake up in a great mood on the morning we get to see each other. I start getting excited about your arrival days ahead of time. And after we’ve spent the whole day together I feel like a new woman. Honest. I am happier, less stressed and so relaxed. You may not even know it but that joyous feeling lingers for at least two days after your visit. Like I said, I wish you would come around more than once a week.

You are just the coolest, my sweet Friday. The cat’s pajamas kind of cool. I understand now why so many people have loved you for so long. Almost since the beginning of time. Did you know there are Friday restaurants? And there’s even this really funny movie called Friday. You’ve got to rent it if you haven’t seen it already. You are loved by so many, but still I think I’m your biggest fan. I mean seriously, it’s cool that someone named a restaurant after you but if I had the money to do that I wouldn’t have stopped with just a stinkin’ restaurant. I can think of tons of things that would be better if they were called Friday. Like a mall. Or an amusement park. An amusement park called Friday just sounds like more fun. Or what about calling the White House the Friday House? Brilliant! I bet the president would totally go for it and he’d almost certainly be a lot more popular. He most likely thinks that “White” House is racist anyway. I will get a letter drafted ASAP to propose this idea. If he doesn’t respond I will send him a copy of that movie named after you because he’d probably laugh his ass off and then realize the geniusness (is so a word!) of the idea and be all “Git-r-done!” Wait, maybe that’s how the last president would have given the order. But whatever, just keep your eyes peeled for the press conference to announce the name change soon because I’m on it. See how much I love you.

You know what else is so cool about Friday? Sometimes people act all crazy when you come around and completely get away with it. It’s like “Woah, Dude, that’s not cool!” and then people are all like “Sorry man, it’s Freaky Friday” and then everyone is like “Oh, well in that case…” and they are totally forgiven. How cool is that? Right? I can’t just put the word freaky in front of my name and get away with a bunch of craziness. Well, maybe I can but most normal folks just can’t do that.

On a serious note though, you really need to drop that bitch Monday that always follows you around. Nobody likes her. Just because she shows up a few days after you doesn’t mean she’s cool. The only time Monday is cool is when she’s something else too. Like when Monday is also a Holiday. Then she can hang, but only for a day. Monday is like that one friend you have that is so freaking boring until you get some booze in her and then she’s pretty fun but that only happens like 3 times a year so it’s hardly worth letting her tag along behind you.

Long story long, you’re amazing! I spend all week thinking about you. If it makes any difference you could just visit my house more often. I swear I can keep quiet so the paparazzi doesn’t find out. I don’t need that kind of spotlight at my house anyway. Have your people call my people and we’ll set something up.

Very truly yours, Until we meet again, All my love, Your biggest fan,
S